Tools

[Rob Schwartz]

Vermont Tool Box:

Duct Tape - for things that move but shouldn't
WD-40 - for things that should move but won't

-Rob in VT

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Bill Magitz [mailto:corbie at verizonmail.com]
> Sent: Friday, February 23, 2007 2:11 PM
> To: gpzlist at micapeak.com
> Subject: Re: Tools
>
>
>
> who needs tools when there is duct tape ...........
>
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "Robinson, Art \(ON15\)" <art.robinson at honeywell.com>
> > To: "Kawaski Discussion Group" <gpzlist at micapeak.com>
> > Subject: Tools
> > Date: Fri, 23 Feb 2007 08:24:38 -0500
> >
> >
> > 	Here's a nice descriptive tool list that everyone on this list
> > will be able to identify with.
> >
> >
> >
> > 	Art, slowly warming up in TO.
> >
> >
> >
> > 	Tools
> >
> >
> >
> > 	This is a true account of what these particular tools were
> designed for:
> >
> >
> > 	DRILL PRESS:
> >
> > 	A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
> > bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
> > flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that
> > freshly painted motorcycle part you were drying.
> >
> > 	WIRE WHEEL:
> >
> > 	Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
> > workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls
> > and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to
> > say, "Ouch!"
> >
> > 	ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
> >
> > 	Normally used for spinning pop rivets you are trying to remove in
> > their holes until you die of old age.
> >
> >
> >
> > 	PLIERS:
> >
> > 	Used to round off bolt heads.
> >
> > 	HACKSAW:
> >
> > 	One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
> > principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
> > motion and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
> > dismal your future becomes.
> >
> > 	VISE-GRIPS:
> >
> > 	Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they
> > can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of
> > your hand.
> >
> > 	OXY-ACETYLENE TORCH:
> >
> > 	Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in
> > your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the
> > wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
> >
> > 	WHITWORTH SOCKETS:
> >
> > 	Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they
> > are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or ½ inch socket
> > you've been searching for, for the last 15 minutes.
> >
> > 	HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
> >
> > 	Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have
> > installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly
> > under the bumper.
> >
> > 	EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4 (4x2 for Aussies):
> >
> > 	Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle.
> >
> >
> >
> > 	TWEEZERS:
> >
> > 	 A tool for removing wood splinters.
> >
> >
> >
> > 	PHONE:
> >
> > 	Tool for calling your neighbour to see if he has another hydraulic
> > floor jack.
> >
> >
> >
> > 	SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER:
> >
> > 	Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise;
> > used mainly for getting doggie poo off your boot.
> >
> > 	E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
> >
> > 	A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in
> > bolt holes you couldn't use anyway.
> >
> > 	TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
> >
> > 	A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot
> > to disconnect.
> >
> >
> >
> > 	CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
> >
> > 	A large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined
> > screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
> >
> > 	AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
> >
> > 	See hacksaw.
> >
> >
> > 	TROUBLE LIGHT:
> >
> > 	The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop
> > light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin,"
> > which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits
> > aside, it's main purpose is to consume 60-watt light bulbs at about
> > the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during,
> > say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often
> > dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
> >
> > 	PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
> >
> > 	Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans
> > and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name
> > implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
> >
> > 	AIR COMPRESSOR:
> >
> > 	A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant
> > 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels
> > by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty
> > bolts, last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at GMC or Ford,
> > neatly rounding off their heads.
> >
> > 	PRY BAR:
> >
> > 	A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket
> > you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
> >
> > 	HOSE CUTTER:
> >
> > 	A tool used to cut hoses too short.
> >
> >
> > 	HAMMER:
> >
> > 	Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
> > used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
> > not far from the object we are trying to hit.
> >
> > 	MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
> >
> > 	Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons
> > delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents
> > such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
> > magazines, refund checks and rubber or plastic parts.
> >
> > 	DAMMIT TOOL:
> >
> > 	Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while
> > yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool
> > that you will need.
> >
> > 	EXPLETIVE:
> >
> > 	A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases
> > those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in
> > foresight.
>
> >
>
>
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