sledge hammer handles, gut hook, bungee cord hook , aircraft cable, claw hammer

[The Masons]

What do these items have in common you might ask?  These are centre stand 
installation tools for a 1000 V Strom.  Those cheap bastards at Suzuki don't 
supply this item with the bike so I picked up a new one on Ebay for about 
1/2 the Canadian price.  All went well until I had to install the inner and 
outter springs that hold the stand up.  The diagram shows the tool to use is 
a spring hook--looks like a little hay bale hook.  I noticed I didnot have 
this item in my tool box. I did find a knife with a gut hook on it and after 
several attempts and much cursing managed to get the inner spring snapped 
on.  Try as I might I couldn't get the outter spring any closer than 1/2" 
from its hold point.  My back isn't what it used to be and the spring is on 
the right side of the bike basically underneath in front of the rear tire. 
I've got one foot jammed against the front foot peg, the other against 
something uner the bike and I'm hunched over like dog fucking a football. I 
think Suzuki uses King Kong, or Gollyzilla to install these springs. 
Whoever or whatever it is, its a first cousin to the SOB that snugs up the 
swingarm nuts for Kawasaki on the GPz.  Finally I gave up and decided to 
think.  Jesus H C  Jim its about time you did a little thinking here boy. 
17 years of formal education (the 3 years in grade 5 were a bitch) going to 
waste. I looked in my tool box and noticed an "S" hook from one of those 
cheap black rubber bungee cords that you see lying on the highway and find 
in the sidewalls of your tires. I looked for a roll of hay wire but 
remembered it was at the cottage. I found a 6' piece of aircraft cable with 
a loop on each end.  I grabbed a hockey stick.  This is a bent piece of 
hardwood used as a weapon in a Canadian winter sport that is played on a 
surface of frozen blood.  I realized the stick was too long to weild between 
the wall and the bike and noticed a sledge hammer handle (sometimes 
substitutes as a baseball bat, racoon finisheroffer, and wheel bearing 
remover in a Ford 4X4).  This one looked like it had peformed all 3 jobs. I 
hooked the "S" hook on the spring, placed the sledge handle inside the rear 
wheel rim, looped the aircraft cable on the "S" hook and around the handle 
many times to take up the slack, looped the other end on the "S" hook.  I 
pulled on the handle and Sheezaam!! the hook stretched past its hold point. 
I slipped the claw hammer in behind the hook and pryed it over then released 
the spring onto the hold point. 2.5 F%@#*N hours to install a centre stand, 
6 bolts, longer sensor (thingy that goes on the left foot peg to tell you 
not to leanover any farther or the centre stand will be dragging and you'll 
be in the rhubarb), 2 plates, 2 bushings and 2 springs.  Boy I'm glad I'm 
not paying that guy by the hour.  Now I can lube my chain without pushing 
the bike 1/2 a mile up and down my driveway.
Just had a guy phone about my Hodaka Dirt Squirt 100, and the 250 Triumph 
Scrambler rolling chassis.  Marilyn would be happy to see them gone.

Jim